Separation is difficult for the whole family, no matter who initiated it. Once you sign a marriage separation agreement, you’ll start a new chapter in your life. In this post, we’ll show you how to manage your emotions and feelings in a separation.
Contents
Acknowledging Your Feelings
Grief is a complicated emotion. It doesn’t just manifest when a loved one dies. It also emerges if you lose loved ones in other ways. Always give yourself space to feel these feelings, even if you aren’t incredibly proud of them.
For example, anger and even relief are entirely normal in your situation. Anger might even crop up during a completely amicable separation. As for relief, part of you might be glad a stressful relationship is formally over.
Building a Support System
Make sure you surround yourself with friends and loved ones. It might be best to avoid your spouse (or ex-spouse) for now, depending on the circumstances. You both need time apart to grieve and process the marriage.
Reach out to people you trust and confide your feelings in them. If necessary, you may consider attending counseling. You’ll have a judgment-free space to discuss your emotions and come to terms with everything.
You might even consider reaching out to other divorced or separated people. There are a range of online communities dedicated to these experiences. The US had a divorce rate of 7 per 1,000 people in 2022. After a marital separation, you don’t need to be alone.
If you were close to your ex-partner’s friends, think about whether those friendships will survive the separation. Don’t push them into picking sides. They might want to avoid it as much as possible to avoid a tricky situation.
Your Physical Health
Your physical and emotional health are closely linked. You can’t look after your emotional health without also respecting your body and giving it everything it needs.
For example, make sure you’re eating enough. In difficult times, this can slip anyone’s mind. You might not feel hungry due to shock or general sadness. However, good nutrition is essential for anyone’s well-being.
The same goes for sleep and even exercise. The latter could offer a helpful routine while acting as a healthy coping mechanism. Similarly, it’s worth trying out yoga and going on walks. Even basic exercise once a week can help your mood.
Returning to sleep, make sure you always get 7-9 hours per night. Avoid bright screens for one or two hours before bed.
Protect Your Children’s Emotional Health
If you have children, they will also bear the brunt of the separation. Depending on their age, they might not even know what’s happening. Make sure you and your ex-partner talk to them about it in an age-appropriate way. Ideally, you two will still work as a team to co-parent them.
For example, don’t overwhelm them with adult details if they’re too young. Tell them it isn’t their fault; many children assume this by default. However, don’t blame your spouse. It isn’t fair to stir conflict in the family like this.
Research also shows that children of separated or divorced parents often run into problems. For example, they’re more likely to have academic or behavioral issues at school. Don’t let them fall behind; be prepared to talk to them (or their school) about this.
Avoid Negative Coping Mechanisms
Coping mechanisms are sometimes the only way we can get through a crisis. Separation could push you towards destructive habits, however. Here are a few coping mechanisms you need to steer clear of:
- Substance abuse
- Reckless behavior
- Social withdrawal
- Not eating enough
- Not sleeping enough
- Rumination
- Excessive shopping
- Quitting your job
- Moving away spontaneously
Always think carefully before making any major decisions. For example, you might genuinely want a fresh start. But is moving far away wise? Regardless, try not to act impulsively. Whatever you do today could make tomorrow harder without actually helping you.
Establish Contact Rules
It’s not realistic to avoid your spouse forever. You’ll likely need time apart to process everything, but this shouldn’t last too long. You might need to collect the rest of your stuff. Alternatively, you may need to see them regularly for custody handoffs.
For the time being, contact over email or text might be better. If you need to interact in person, it helps to make this a public, neutral space. You’ll both be less aggressive in this setting, and you’ll have a chance to communicate boundaries.
It might also be worth attending couples therapy together. Even when the separation is final, this could be a good environment to work through issues together.
Final Thoughts
Separation can damage anyone’s emotional well-being. Make sure you look after yourself as best you can. When arranging the finer details, use an online separation agreement form. These are legally binding templates that are fair to every side.
